Growth requires loss

Why we're afraid of change

March 21, 2022

Hey there —

Do you have any phobias? 👻

Maybe you’ve got a history of claustrophobia or arachnophobia? Or maybe even arachibutyrophobia? (That’s the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.) No?… Just us?

Well, we’re sure you’ve never heard of metathesiophobia, even though you likely deal with it on the regular.

Metathesiophobia is the fear of change (or anxiety about the unknown). While it’s rare to have a debilitating version of this phobia, all of us can identify with it to some degree.

And writer Mark Manson explains why:

“All growth requires loss. A loss of your old values, your own behaviors, your old loves, your old identity. Therefore, growth sometimes has a component of grief to it.”

If you’ve undergone a transformation recently, you know there’s a painful period of time when you mourn the loss of your old life.

Credit: Brian B. Moran, The 12 Week Year 

Known as the “Valley of Despair” from The Emotional Cycle of Change, navigating this loss is no joke. You might…

✖️ Lose enthusiasm
✖️ Feel sad, guilty, and defeated
✖️ Want to go back to the way things were

And there’s no quick-fix to get you through this crappy phase. But if you’re overhauling your life, just know it’s normal to feel despair when things change (even if it’s for the best).

What’s important is you embrace the courage it took for you to make a change.

As James Clear says, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”

Nobody knows what’s waiting for them on the other side of a decision. But if you can confront the unknown and learn from the experience, you’ll be just fine.

Just watch out for spiders. 🕷️

How to Avoid Half-Heartedness

Newsletter | by Bookbear Express

Who else thinks finding ‘The One’ will solve all their problems? 🙇‍♂️

There’s a mainstream belief that it isn’t until after we find ‘The One’ we’ll be happy. Or at least, that’s what the romcoms tell us. 🍿

But waiting for someone to make us happy? Bad idea. Because when we place this responsibility into a stranger's hands, we lose our autonomy. Or as Ava, author of Bookbear Express calls it, we become half-hearted.

As Ava writes, “No one wants the burden of being the answer to your dissatisfaction.”

Oof. Maybe we should take Ava’s advice? Create your own happiness from within – don’t wait for someone to love you.

Don’t Focus on Local Maxima

Article | by Nat Eliason

Want to escape the rat race? Ready to work smarter, not harder? Well then it’s probably time to expand your radius.

“Expand your what?” Don’t worry, Nat Eliason can explain.

In this article, Nat reminds us we have far more options if we go beyond our limitations. To do so, we’ve got to escape the bubble of what we know (local maxima) and explore the rich possibilities of the unknown (global maximum).

It might be scary to inch our way out into an uncertain future. But it’s worth it.

99 Additional Bits of Unsolicited Advice

Article | by Kevin Kelly

You know what’s the best kind of advice? The kind you don’t ask for.

Kidding. But Kevin Kelly’s ‘99 Additional Bits of Unsolicited Advice’ might be some of the best wisdom we’ve heard in years. Some of our favorites:

  • Don’t aim to have others like you; aim to have them respect you.

  • Being wise means having more questions than answers.

  • The thing that made you weird as a kid could make you great as an adult – if you don’t lose it.

Written by Alice Lemée